Advice from the dead on how to party down

Just to follow up my little squib about banks, here are extracts from a message about “party etiquette” sent to its hapless employees by one big US bank.

“After a good year’s work, you’re entitled to let loose with your co-workers at a holiday party. Right?

Wrong. No matter how festive the occasion, it’s still a business setting. Follow these tips to avoid damaging your reputation as a competent professional.”

Then there’s lots of nauseating crap about how to dress, not to drink too much, don’t just spend the time with your office buddies, network – “introduce yourself to senior managers (i.e. arse–lick, pal - that's the way to the top here)”.
Then there’s stuff about timing, "Don't really want to go? (Who would?) Avoid turning up 20 minutes before the end? And “don’t party into the wee hours.”

It’s really excellent advice if you want to be the most boring, humourless twat anybody ever met.

Anyone who wants as their epitaph “She was a competent professional” deserves parties like that