The World Weather Conspiracy - Again

In the 1970s, desperate for money, I wrote anything for anyone. Chapters for books, speeches, ads, direct mail, all-singing, all dancing presentations – anything to stave off the bailiffs.

And here we are 30 odd years later – not much change.

Talking of which, one book I part-wrote was about changes in the world’s weather. It was called The CIA and the World Weather Conspiracy.What the hell it was really about I have no idea now, but I do know it predicted a New Ice Age.

What goes around comes around. Last December at a U.N. Global Warming conference in Poland 650 of the world's top climatologists said that man-made global warming is a load of old cobblers put about by the media and we should really be worried about freezing to death.

Dr. David Gee, Chairman of the International Geological Congress, asked "For how many years must the planet cool before we begin to understand that the planet is not warming?"

The earth's temperature peaked in 1998. It's been falling ever since; it dropped a lot in 2007 and even more in 2008 when temperatures touched 1980 levels. Satellite photos show that Arctic ice is back where it was in 1979. And has that hole in the ozone layer melted Antarctica? No; the ice has grown 5 % since 1980.

So during this period of massive global warming which has us all quivering in our shoes and being persecuted by local government fuckwits for not sorting out our garbage, the biggest chunks of ice on earth grew bigger.

Dr. Kunihiko, Chancellor of Japan's Institute of Science and Technology actually said: "CO2 emissions make absolutely no difference one way or the other ... every scientist knows this, but it doesn't pay to say so." And you know Chancellors never lie if you exclude the Great Bloated Haggis, who does little else.

Interestingly, a big Russian study overwhelmingly suggests that we’re on the verge of another Ice Age. Core samples from Vostok Station in Antarctica show what's happened to our atmosphere and temperature for the last 420,000 years. It seems the 12,000 years of relative warmth we have basked in are about to end.

So now we can all shiver our way through an ice age for some 100,000 years - well, you can, because I won't be around. And core samples show conclusively that CO2 levels follow the earth's temperature, not precede it - which destroys the basis for much of the scare-mongering.

So all those years ago the book I worked on had it right, and Al Gore, as I always thought, is a grasping, self-publicising tosser who runs around the world getting paid $100,000 a time plus expenses to talk bollocks, show misleading videos of polar bears and frighten people.

Did you know he got the Nobel Peace Prize? What has the weather got to do with peace?

But then, being stupid, like all committees, they have chosen some odd people, including Menachim Begin and Yasser Arafat who between them caused more than a few deaths. No doubt we shall see those murderous bastards in the IRA on the list eventually. And how about George Bush and the Bliar?

This piece is partly based on one by John Tomlinson of the Flint Journal