Today's quiz

When I first started speaking in public I used to stand up and talk my head off - rather like a politician really.

Then eventually some kind soul said, "Would you make it a little more interactive, please?"

Well, I ignored them because words like interactive are just a load of old corporate bollocks. But when I eventually grasped that they meant the audience should be encouraged to join in, I thought that was O.K. - and they've been interrupting me ever since.

So, here is today's interactive opportunity, restricted to those who are blessed with living in the tattered remnants of this country.

The Great Lying Toad has decided that since so many politicians have been caught stealing money, they should all be given £200 a day for turning up in parliament to do what they're already paid for anyhow.

Very sensible. The best idea (actually, the only even remotely good idea) he's ever had. At least we'll know how much we're being ripped off for.

Your starter for one: if it's going to cost £200 a day for them to turn up, how much should we pay to get them not to bother? £400? £700? £1,000? It's your call.

Next question: how much would it be worth coughing up to get the Toad himself to fuck off back to wherever he came from? Only answers with seven noughts after them qualify.

Final question: how much pension do you think he deserves? Only answers in pence per decade qualify.

It's not really my problem, to be honest, as I'll be dead long before you lot have finished working to repay the cost of his financial mastery. I'm just curious.