If they can't write English, how good could their service be?

One of my colleagues wrote to an internet firm misnamed Articulate to ask three very simple questions.

This reply came back from some wench in Customer Disservice:

I've personally reviewed your case and have determined that it will require attention from a Tier 2 Customer Support Engineer who specializes in cases like yours. I've escalated your case for further analysis.

Thank you in advance for your patience and understanding. We look forward to resolving your case!

Regards,

Ms. Halfewytte

The questions my partner asked were so simple that it makes you wonder what the Tier 1 Customer Support Engineers do. Clean Toilets? And while I'm on about it, why the bloody exclamation mark?

But why does this sort of thing drive me into fits of juddering rage? I have been dealing for five months with two idiots who talk like that all the time, interspersing such language with requests for meetings about fuck-all. They are also haughtily ignorant about what we do. Every time I get an email from one of them I want to smash my computer into tiny shards.

Am I just getting more and more bad-tempered? I am actually rather a happy soul. Should I not be taking pity on someone who thinks it right to come out with such tripe? Would it not be more helpful to suggest people like that seek fulfilment with a job in local government?

Anyhow, I am torn about what write about in my next post. We have a striking policewoman from Naples called Nadia staying with us who makes me laugh and wonder why crime is so popular there.

Last time we met she was helping us to clear her sister Pina's house in Woking.

We got rid of a lot of stuff, some of which she sold to a Chinese family. I still can't understand how she did it. They spoke very little English, and hers whilst hugely and hilariously expressive is pretty incomprehensible, especially when she gets excited, which is most of the time.

So that's all I can tell you about her really. Next time I'll talk about what an old colleague thought of meeting Barack Obama. Very interesting.