An old joke pressed into valiant new service

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him

He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Gordon Brown's?" asked the man.

"Gordon's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

My pal Andy Owen sent me that. But you know what? Nobody in my little home gives a shit about Gordon Brown.

They are far more concerned with whether Brad Pitt is leaving Angelina to get back with Jennifer Aniston.

So let me make my views clear. Whilst Angelina is very sexy, I have always rather liked Jen (that’s what us Grazia readers call her). All she needs is a little bow in her hair to remind me of my Maltese dog, Chiffon, whom I loved dearly.

Nevertheless, I do not share the views of one Grazia columnist who said she was squealing with delight all day at the thought of Jen and Brad recapturing the lost magic they once shared.

I was thinking about all those kids Brad is leaving behind. I still feel bad about my first divorce.