Another great laff from The Oldie

'The difference? Well Sir, the Barolo is ripe, rich and round, with lots of spicy, earth-scented black cherry and berry flavors, hinting deliciously at chocolate on the smooth finish, while The Blue Nun is more nylon underpants, skid-marks, ITV, thick crockery, hinting at being kicked all over the street by violent witless oafs for absolutely no reason.'

CAPTION CONTEST WINNER: EJ Ruane, Dublin.

The Oldie is a bloody sight better than most mags - and has just had a circulation increase. No wonder. It is infinitely more interesting than whether Madonna's poor kids will spend Easter with her or Guy Ritchie, whether Kate Moss got screwed/snorted coke/wore no knickers last night or how long Ed Ballsup thinks we'll all be in the toilet because of the Prudent Haggis's brilliant economic strategy.