WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM? BRITAIN ASKS IMF

This is reprinted with grateful acknowledgment to the selfless patriots who publish The Daily Mash - but whose language I find deeply shocking.

Nevertheless, I feel we should know these shocking fascts

THE government has written to the International Monetary Fund to ask it what its fucking problem is.

As the latest IMF report described the UK as 'a horrible old man, covered in bits of food and reeking of piss' ministers were like 'where the fuck did that come from?'

The IMF said that if anyone still cared Britain should probably be fed through a tube and forced to use the toilet rather than just doing it in a chair.

But last night chancellor Alistair Darling was like: "Hang on a minute, how come it's always us?

"The Germans are all fucked-up but you don't go round telling everyone that Germany's a spastic. Then there's the Italians. Are you saying we're worse than the fucking Italians? Oh, and in case you hadn't noticed, Iceland!

"What does IMF stand for anyway? International Mother Fuckers?"

The chancellor said you didn't get it from him but he heard Spain has been giving blow jobs to the IMF in a cubicle in the gents' toilets.

An IMF spokesman said: "Do you really want to know why? Fine. Your banks were the entire basis of your economy and now they're shite. Your currency is used bogroll, you don't make anything of any value, you're governed by clueless arseholes and 99% of your population is up to its tits in debt. That's why."

Mr Darling added: "Yeah, fair enough."