Absolutely right, Mr. Ingrams,

In my spare time I no longer read Schopenhauer or Tolstoy, but mostly thrillers, historical novels, books about old London, biographies, diaries, memoirs and such.

I have mentioned before, I hope, James Lees-Milne, whose utterly magnificent diaries I have been reading with great joy for years now. I thought of him when I read something by Richard Ingrams in The Independent about David Cameron.

Ingrams says Cameron is following his role model Tony Blair in making meaningless apologies.

Blair apologised to the Irish nation for the potato famine of the 1840s while Cameron has now apologised for the Thatcher government's controversial Section 28, which banned local authorities and schools from promoting homosexuality. "I hope you can forgive us," he said with apparent sincerity.

It is not always clear to whom these political apologies are addressed. I suppose Cameron would argue that he was abasing himself before the gay community and it was their forgiveness that he craved.

Ingrams then went on to talk about the homosexual propagandists like Peter Tatchell, saying "For all I know there might even be gays who actually approved of Section 28."

I am quite sure there are. One gay friend of mine finds all these gay evangelists deeply embarrassing; and Lees-Milne, who was enthusiastically bi-sexual certainly disapproved.

Why should homosexuality or for that matter any other kind of sexuality need promoting? These should be private matters. But even more of a mystery: why does oily Dave want to stick his oar - or anything else - in.

It reinforces my worries about the man. If he feels that strongly about it he should keep his mouth shut, quietly make his way to a friendly public toilet and get on with whatever he learnt to do at Eton.

The celebrated military expert Bob "bollocks" Arseworth makes a prediction

One cannot actually guarantee that every single member of the current cabinet will be utterly useless, dishonest and cretinous, but the selection policy certainly helps.

Mr. Bob Arseworth, currently defence secretary, has been almost permanently in office since the Bliar arrived in 1997, despite the fact that he has never shown the slightest sign of competence at anything except malice in his life.

The only things one can find of any interest in his record are:

1. He was almost, but not quite, a member of the International Marxist Group - didn't even have the guts.

2. He was a shop steward at Jaguar in the 1970s, the period when he and his pals destroyed what was left of the UK motor industry with the help of its managers.

In his latest role, with uncanny prescience, he announced today that "more troops will die in Afghanistan".

There is good reason to believe he doesn't give a shit, though.

The chief reason why more troops will die - chiefly from roadside bombs - is because Toad the Obscene wouldn't pay for equipment to be upgraded.

However, not long ago when someone in Parliament pointed out this truth, Bob the Repugnant shouted out "Bollocks".

So we know where his heart is. Up his arse, next to his brains.

Dare we hope he'll visit to Helmand soon - and benefit from some judicious friendly fire? Or perhaps take a solo joy-ride in a not quite adequately armoured vehicle to see what happens to his bollocks?

Putrid salute to gullibility

Today I received - not for the first time - a message from "Continental Who's Who".

It was a bit like the one I keep getting from someone who tells me I can belong to something vaguely, but not really, associated with Princeton University.

It read:

Drayton, Welcome to our Inner Circle.

Inclusion in our prestigious organisation is a career milestone only available to those who have demonstrated exceptional professional knowledge, expertise and client service - and I think you quintessentially meet those standards.

Our forum enables you to be reached by thousands of professionals and your peers with the purpose of doing business with you. Simply put - Members are friends you haven’t met yet.

I want to thank you for helping us to create a stronger platform.

Much Continued Success,

George Malone

Executive Director

What total jargon-crammed bollocks - rather like a society for the mutual masturbation of wannabes. Mr. Malone (though it isn't his real name, is it?) should be sentenced to a lifetime of dreary English lessons. But plenty will sign up, won't they?

It's hard to beat anything that combines flattery - no matter how insincere - with the shrewd exploitation of our abiding insecurity.

But what really depresses me is that I regularly have to deal with educationally deprived executives who actually talk shit like that - but don't know it's shit.

These are worrying times.

Tell it to the polar bears, girl

Yesterday was an important day for me. July 4th was my late mother's birthday.

On that date here in the U.S., though, they celebrate their freedom from us Brits. Last night I concluded this gave everyone the right to get just as drunk once a year as they do every night in Soho.

Maybe even drunker. One guy I was watching from the vantage point of an excellent Brooklyn restaurant spent 45 minutes trying and failing to get from the door of the bar opposite to the edge of the pavement, which is a good two yards away. I think his master-plan was to cross the road.

But I jest. The 4th of July really gave everyone here the freedom to choose their own politicians, who provide me with a hilarious alternative comedy to the one running in Whitehall.

I follow them carefully, too. For until Barack Obama runs out of all the remaining money here, which may take weeks, U.S. politics will affect us all. So I read with interest a statement from the fragrant Sarah Palin in yesterday's New York Post.

She has resigned as Governor of Alaska, with - experts say - a plan to run for President because, she said, using the Royal "we" usually associated with George 111 and his descendants:

"We know we can effect positive change outside government at this moment in time on another scale... I also felt that to embrace the conventional lame duck status in this particular climate would just be another dose of politics as usual, something I campaigned against and will always oppose."

This astonishing flight of oratory had me recalling with fondness the articulate, witty, crystal clear and altogether inspiring George W. Bush. What the FUCK was she drinking before she shot that lot out?

She would have been the most powerful person in the world if McCain had won and then dropped dead.

Think on that.

Necropower rules, OK

If you ever wonder about the difference between being alive and dead, wonder no more.

Mark Roesler, chairman and chief executive officer of CMG Worldwide, whose clients include James Dean and Marilyn Monroe said yesterday, re Michael Jackson:

"There's really not that much of a difference between the living clients we represent and the deceased client."

Wow!