Where my money goes: dental agony and a little journey into Promiseland

Some spend their money on fine wines. Others go cruising or skiing. Still yet others invest in rare motor cars, paintings and antiques.

But what money I have left after my last divorce (score: Wife 34; Bird 0) tends to flow in the direction of my dentist, the worthy Tariq Idris. My bridges, implants, flying buttresses and so on are a monument to his ingenuity, and that of his predecessor.

So after three hours at his hands yesterday you couldn't get much sense out of me due to protracted agony. I was cheered up no end though by my new hobby - reading the outrageous claims of those who specialise in putting you in what rogue salesmen I worked with when young called Promiseland.

One heading was "Is this a scam?" followed by ingenious protestations of good faith and the usual cavalcade of testimonials. But the one that got the biscuit contained the following stream of wondrous pr0mises:

Not only is my friend Jeff "Herschy" Schwerdt giving you a Cash Flow Supercharger, he's handed you the keys to his Viral Submitter software, helping drive traffic to your own Cash Flow Funnel.

Wouldn't you like all that stuff, friends?

In case you have doubts I shall start shortly be launching my Prehistoric Unsupercharged No-Miracles Get Rich Slow But Sure alternative which works on the old-fashioned basis: you have to do a little work.

Among other things I will be analysing how all these schemes work. There is much to be learnt because they are all based on sound principles, even if their promises are a little high flown.

Smoke up your arse from those Internet Marketing Liars – Were YOU ever caught? Amen to Michel Fortin's comments - extra thought

I’m amazed at the cons that go on every day on the internet.

I spend a little time studying them, because you can learn so much. They all start with one fact I learned years ago. People believe what they want to believe.

So I’ve just spent half an hour listening to the utterly sincere, heartrendingly touching pitch from one of those guys who - like most of them - promises to liberate you from the slavery of working for a living. And, like most of them starts with the touching tale of how he was starving in a trailer park until ... Shazam! - he stumbled on this amazing system that will make YOU rich.

It was “freedom from work forever” – that sort of thing. It was brilliant. You saw how many $$$ you can make each month. You saw the wonderful life this guy leads, his adorable wife and kids, he stammered nervously - couldn't possibly be anything but a real guy like you and me - in fact he used every trick in the book to touch your greedy, foolish, credulous heart.

Then you saw how easy it is, and what an astounding deal you’re going to get. Not $5,000. Not $2,000. No, a mere $997 for this set of DVDs and a couple of booklets that cost, oh, at LEAST $5 to produce. In fact he told you everything you need to know - except the two things that are essential: what to sell and where to find your customers.

This reminded me of something excellent from Michel Fortin the other day. I've edited it slightly because old Michel does go on a bit for a guy who criticises long copy. He predicted:

'We’re going to see more and more marketing prin ciples, strategies and tactics applied to the Internet. More and more outside of Internet marketing, particularly outside the bizoppy, make-​​money arenas.

I’m talking about real businesses selling real stuff using real marketing strategies. And by “real” I don’t mean just physical products and hard goods. I include digital products.

I’m talking about businesses that sell non-​​Internet-​​marketing stuff. To me, too many products appear like ponzi schemes, where someone teaches how to make money online, and the way they make their money is by selling their make-​​money product.

No. I mean real stuff. Not snake-​​oil. Not “secrets.” Not “how to get a gazillion visitors or make a gazillion dollars overnight.” And certainly not circular, “Make money by becoming an affiliate of my make-​​money product!”

I sure hope he's right, because I'm going to spend the next year running round the world in the hope that there just might be enough people around who want to make money the old fashioned way.

EXTRA: after I drafted this at some insane hour this morning I heard about something Nick Usborne wrote explaining why this crap works so well. Some of the crooks I met in the '60's talked about putting people in "Promise Land". Quite so.

More smoke up your arse from those Internet Marketing Liars – Were YOU ever caught? Amen to this from Michel Fortin

I’m amazed at the cons that go on every day on the internet.

I spend a little time studying them, because you can learn so much. They all start with one fact I learned years ago. People believe what they want to believe.

So I’ve just spent half an hour listening to the utterly sincere, heartrendingly touching pitch from one of those guys who - like most of them - promises to liberate you from the slavery of working for a living. And, like most of them starts with the touching tale of how he was starving in a trailer park until ... Shazam! - he stumbled on this amazing system that will make YOU rich.

It was “freedom from work forever” – that sort of thing. It was brilliant. You saw how many $$$ you can make each month. You saw the wonderful life this guy leads, his adorable wife and kids, he stammered nervously - couldn't possibly be anything but a real guy like you and me - in fact he used every trick in the book to touch your greedy, foolish, credulous heart.

Then you saw how easy it is, and what an astounding deal you’re going to get. Not $5,000. Not $2,000. No, a mere $997 for this set of DVDs and a couple of booklets that cost, oh, at LEAST $5 to produce. In fact he told you everything you need to know - except the two things that are essential: what to sell and where to find your customers.

This reminded me of something excellent from Michel Fortin the other day. I've edited it slightly because old Michel does go on a bit for a guy who criticises long copy. He predicted:

'We’re going to see more and more marketing prin­ciples, strategies and tactics applied to the Internet. More and more outside of Internet marketing, particularly outside the bizoppy, make-​​money arenas.

I’m talking about real businesses selling real stuff using real marketing strategies. And by “real” I don’t mean just physical products and hard goods. I include digital products.

I’m talking about businesses that sell non-​​Internet-​​marketing stuff. To me, too many products appear like ponzi schemes, where someone teaches how to make money online, and the way they make their money is by selling their make-​​money product.

No. I mean real stuff. Not snake-​​oil. Not “secrets.” Not “how to get a gazillion visitors or make a gazillion dollars overnight.” And certainly not circular, “Make money by becoming an affiliate of my make-​​money product!”

I sure hope he's right, because I'm going to spend the next year running round the world in the hope that there just might be enough people around who want to make money the old fashioned way.

We shall see.