When I come back as an insect ...
... I will go into financial marketing and become a giant in no time.
Almost all of it is staggeringly bad.
An ad for Societe Generale in Money Week is headed NEW SUPER 10s.
Just right for introducing a new cigarette - or maybe a tampon.
Then the subhead reads: NOW SUPER RETURNS CAN BE SUPER SIMPLE.
This witless line is obviously aimed at idiots - what other explanation can there be? How many read Money Week?
But then again, maybe it was created by idiots.
More to the point, what will the overpaid drones at the Financial Services Authority do when they read it?
(Overpaid? Last time I looked their boss was on £800,000 a year for doing what I consider a remarkably bad job, the disastrous consequences of which we are all now paying for).
Regardless, that headline is what is known technically in English as a lie.
What do you mean when you promise "Super Returns are Super Simple"?
If Societe Generale has a Compliance or Marketing Department or Advertising Agency with one tenth of a brain between them they should be shitting themselves.
Because at the bottom the ad reads: Super10s are suitable for sophisticated investors in the UK, who have a good understanding of the underlying market and characteristics of the security. It even says you should consult an Independent Financial Adviser - which won't help because hardly any of them have any qualifications.*
Do all those statements about being sophisticated with a good understanding etc., mean this is a "Super Simple" investment? What do you think? What would any normal person think? How well do you understand the underlying market?
But what puts icing on this turd masquerading as a cake is that below the dreary, cliche-strewn copy is a big picture of the back of a baseball referee/umpire/whatever they're called looking at a big sign that says STRIKE 10 OUT 0.
Well, we all know how familiar the British are with baseball, don't we? About as familiar as the French are with cricket. And we all know how utterly relevant baseball is to finance. I mean, when I say "baseball" you instantly think "Ah, investment" - right?
Wrong. Wrong. A thousand times wrong.
Did someone get paid to produce this garbage? Did some fool approve it?
Who finds these people? Who hires them? Who lets them loose?
God Almighty!
* Don't get me started on Independent Financial Advisers. That's a good indication of how appallingly the aforementioned Financial Services Authority has been doing its job.
Until recently anyone with a plausible manner and a good suit could tell you they were an Independent Financial Adviser - and they are being allowed to continue doing so.
An exam has been introduced for them - but the vast majority are not taking it. Too much like hard work. They're just scuttling off with their winnings.
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