Balls

London is afflicted with a plague of free papers - one in the morning, two in the evening. This has slaughtered the Evening Standard, which has always been a pretty good read.

Its prospects were so disastrous that the owners gave it away to a crazy Russian, who then pissed away a small fortune on some of the worst newspaper advertising I can recall. That's a shame, because the revamped paper is pretty good - but not good enough to survive in my view.

Having said that, they do print some rum stuff. Tearing myself away from an article about what a total shit Martin Amis is - takes after his father - I read that Thieving Bloato is going to get rid of his even more crooked henchman Darling and replace him with Ed Ballsup, another crook.

But my eyes stood out like chapel hat-pegs when I saw some maniac leader writer in The Standard describe this smarmy wretch as "capable" minister."

What have you been smoking, duckie? The only three things this smug twat has shown himself good at are: 1) Advising the Toad on "economic strategy" to such fine effect that the two of them managed to fuck up the entire economy for decades to come 2) fucking up all the school examinations at astounding expense and then saying it was nothing to with him 3) Stealing lots of dosh with his fragrant spouse Yvette - the only sign of ability I can see.

A smoked haddock would probably do a better job as Chancellor than him. Lock him up with the others.