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Tuesday, 18 December 2007

Would you accept this invitation?

About 20 years ago when I was clearly a lot more distinguished than I am now, I was, to my great surprise and childish delight, told I was to be included in Who’s Who.

Normally I would have thought this is a mistake, but as I am the only Drayton Bird I have ever heard of, I guess they did it on purpose.

To be honest, I always thought these entries are just a ploy to get you to buy the damn book, but I’m too cheap, so I’ve never looked to see if I’m in there. However I read recently that once in, you’re in for good, and every year they write to ask if I want to amend my entry.

So I guess I’m in the Rogues Gallery with people like Brown, G, Incompetent Chancellor, Bully and Worse Prime Minister whose Chickens are Coming Home to Shit all over Him and Blair, A, Pathological Liar And Religious Fantasist Who thinks He Can Solve the Palestinian Problem, the Idiot, When we all Know he couldn't Run a Piss-up in a Brewery.

All these thoughts and more came crowding in this morning when I was invited to be “considered for inclusion into the 2007-2008 Princeton Premier Business Leaders and Professionals "Honors Edition" section of the Registry.”

It seems the Registry will “include biographies of our country's (my italics) most accomplished individuals. Recognition of this kind is an honor shared by thousands of executives and professionals throughout the world each year. Inclusion is considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement.”

How bloody sad you’d have to be to rate that as your life’s greatest achievement – being listed in a book put together by geographically deluded loons who think everyone lives in the U.S. despite being scattered around the world.

Nevertheless, I bet they do well. The human thirst for flattery is limitless. What worries me, though, is that they ask you to give your phone number, and the best time to be contacted. I feel a pitch coming my way if I’m not careful.

Talking about pitches, please don't imagine this is any kind of a pitch for Cameron (he's the leader of the Conservative party here, for those of you unaware of the sordid trivia of British politics).

Cameron could conceivably be worse than the other two I mentioned, for two simple reasons. First, he used to work in public relations, so his natural inclination is to distort the truth - a bit worrying. And second, his policies are almost identical to the ones that got us into today's mess.

You know, spend more money rather than think a little harder about what needs fixing. Trouble is, though, that if all you're used to managing is the truth, the real world could prove a bit confusing.

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