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Friday, 25 February 2011

Why does the internet breed so many lying bastards (and bitches)? - And by the way, here's what to do with your precious mission statement

This morning whilst recovering from a quick jaunt to Athens (don't envy me: it was pissing down with rain and I saw nothing except a good view of the Parthenon) I went through my emails.

One headed "Re: Conference call" was from someone called Lita Geller

I know no Lita, though I used to lust after the singer Lita Roza when I was in my teens and the only Geller I know of is the mastermind of direct marketing in the 50s and 60s, Dave Geller.

But I am curious, so I open. There is no reference to the conference call at all. After saying "Hi, I hope you are doing well" it goes on to try and sell me mailing lists.

This is irritating, stupid, dishonest and pointless.

At least the crooks who run lines like "My cretinous cousin made $3,467,232 in 24 hours - free webinar" stick to the point and follow up with more lies on the same theme.

But I wonder why the internet seems to produce an endless stream of rogues. Maybe it's because it also produces an endless harvest of trusting mugs. As a crook I knew many years ago used to say. "In ths life they only pass but once - and as they pass, fuck them."

Now that I've got going, here's another that caught my eye: it was headed Our Goal: World-Class Service on Every Flight.

Guess what? I don't give a flying fuck what your goal is. I am, rather oddly, mostly interested in how you can help me.

I remain astounded at the number of people engaged in navel-gazing marketing.

When I was speaking yesterday I asked the audience how many had read or even noticed the mission statement the organisers (one of the most famous brands in the world) had stuck at the start of the programme.

Nobody had.

How is it possible that the vast majority of senior people in marketing haven't got even a scintilla of a clue that it is about offering people benefits? Astounding. Have they studied nothing?

Another interesting paradox: as a rule, the bigger the company the greater the number of ignorant buffoons. Maybe it's easier for them to hide among the crowds.

By all means have a mission statement if your leadership is so poor that nobody knows what you're trying to do. But keep it to yourself. It's boring (and usually VERY badly written in a series of meetings by people who don't have real work to do.)

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