Easter frolics: Schizophrenia on the bookstalls – and Nokialunacy on the streets

Strange as it may seem to intellectuals like you and me, most of the population give little thought to the weighty matters that command our attention.

They don’t fret about the future of the Euro, the printing of money or who is a bigger liar, Romney, or Cameron. They care little about the antics of bankers and politicians, the pensions gap or the plight of the polar bear.

They want to know what Lauren is up to – which judging by the two magazine covers illustrated here seems to be about 311 lbs. 

The question that consumes their minds is whether Lauren (whoever she may be, as I have no idea, but I guess she is a “star” of something or other) is worried or not. 

What do you think?

Maybe she is just confused, like the people who do Nokia’s posters, one of which I saw yesterday, too – and for that matter the people who design their phones.

 Not long ago my PA, the radiant Chloe, who runs much of my business life and my partner Marta who sorts out the rest decided that a Nokia would be good for me as it had both a touch screen and a mini-typewriter built in.

They had the best of intentions, and I thought it made sense (never argue with determined women).

But none of us reckoned with the fact that the phone is bloody useless. Nothing on it works well, and by some mysterious magic  it loses about 5 minutes a week. 

Of course the reptiles at the Carphone Warehouse who sold it to me won’t exchange it for something simpler, so I shall have to buy something else. An i-phone, maybe. Or an android … but aren’t they creatures from StarWars?

Either way, their posters are an even bigger wank than their phones. Whoever put that one together or approved it knew less nothing about what makes people buy, let alone what makes a good poster (which, among other things, is a simple promise expressed in very few words and easily readable at a glance.)

Happy Easter, everyone.