Any time you start to feel sorry for yourself, think about Thomas

Since this is a blog, supposed to be all about deeply fascinating and revealing things that happen to wonderful, senile me, let me tell you that the weather in Johannesburg has been cold, miserable and wet, but is looking better today.

Yesterday we went with Brian Mdluli to visit the place where he was born: Soweto, in Johannesburg. Naturally he took us to see the only street in the world that has had two Nobel Prize winners living on it: Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu. There is an African restaurant there, so we had lunch, too.

Brian is an exceptionally funny, dynamic and boundlessly hospitable man who runs the South African Direct Marketing Association. He is one of four brothers, all of whom seem to have done pretty well. We met his equally entertaining father, who joined us for lunch.

In retirement he divides his time between playing golf and running various building projects - one of which is next to the restaurant. The building, he told me. interferes with the former.

The worrying thing is, I am sure I was taken to see Soweto last time I was here, but for the life of me I can't remember a damn thing about it. Maybe we just drove through. As a matter of fact I can't even recall exactly when I was here last. I think it was nineteen or twenty years ago. Nelson Mandela was free, and I was taken on a helicopter trip by a pilot who had flown the great man around South Africa.

Today we went to see the Apartheid Museum, which brought back many memories, as I was very obsessed with its miseries when younger.

The museum is extraordinary - the best I have ever seen of that kind. Besides making one deeply ashamed of the disgusting way the whites behaved, the thing that impresses most is what a remarkable man Mandela is. It is astonishing that the country didn't collapse into bloody mayhem in the way Zimbabwe has. His moral authority is the reason.

I was worried last time I came about how the country would do, and I still am.

The gap between rich and poor is no less, and perhaps greater. Every house here of any size or status has electrified fencing round it and lots of signs about security, armed response and so on.

Last night we went to have meal in a restaurant. We were driven there by a taxi driver called Thomas. We asked him which restaurants were good.

"I do not know. I have never been in a restaurant," was his reply.

Way to go here.

On the other hand, from what I have seen it's even worse in many Latin American countries.

It's a rather terrifying indictment of the free world that when I was in Cuba three years ago, despite all the crumbling buildings and the state control things seemed far better for poor people than in, say, Peru or Brazil.

We hope to visit Belo Horizonte in Brazil during the next few months, so I'll give you my impressions then.

By the way, if the Demon of blogs has (once again) changed the typeface on this, don't blame me.

Want to succeed? Here's something from my files ...

I've written God knows how many articles. Here's something that ran in a magazine 12 years ago.

It was called "How to succeed in marketing - though not without trying very hard."

You may like it. And then again you may not. Here goes:

You can’t imagine how embarrassing it is to be introduced to people as a “Guru”. I always feel an uneasy sensation that I ought to sit on a bed of nails. However, being known for something rather than nothing is a good idea.

As David Ogilvy noted in his first book, “Confessions of an Advertising Man”, if you wish to succeed in advertising become an expert at something. But it’s no use being an expert unless everyone knows it.

So you must do two things. First, learn so much about your chosen area of expertise that you know at least as much and probably more than anyone you are likely to meet. Second, fool as many people as possible into thinking you are brilliant.

This is achieved quite simply, though - like most good things in life - not without great effort. You must be tireless in acquiring relevant knowledge wherever and whenever you can find it - preferably where other people might never think of looking. And you must communicate that knowledge wherever and whenever worthwhile contacts might see, hear or read you.

So now let me talk about myself - always such fun, don’t you agree? Here’s what I do to manage a modest degree of success in marketing.

First of all, you can’t succeed in our sort of business without what someone called a “well-furnished mind”.

I read every issue of Marketing, Marketing Week, Precision Marketing, The Week, The Spectator, The Oldie, Advertising Age, Direct Response. Who’s Mailing What, Subscription Strategy – and anything I find interesting in newspapers or magazines, particularly The Daily Telegraph, The Evening Standard, The Economist and Fortune.

I also devour anything that catches my attention on trains, planes and my dentist’s waiting room, plus Vogue, Tatler, Vanity Fair and other things my wife buys.

I watch a lot of TV – ranging from the Discovery Channel to MTV or VHS, not forgetting the glorious Jerry Springer show, plus the occasional film and quite a few videos. And I read a lot of books.

When younger, I went to every conference or event where I thought I might learn something or meet someone interesting. Happily nowadays instead of having to listen to other people shooting their mouths off, I get paid to do it myself. I can only do so because I put in all those years and those long afternoons listening to mostly very bad speakers, hoping from time to time they might say something useful.

So, that, briefly, is how you gain knowledge – though I should add something about unexpected places. One problem with people in marketing, as with most industries, is that they are so busy making a living they never have time to think of anything else.

Do not restrict your acquisition of knowledge to the obvious – e.g., books about business and marketing. Just in the last few weeks I have found very interesting little snippets or observations in odd places. One was a book written 50 years ago by an insurance salesman, one was in the third chapter of War & Peace by Tolstoy, one was an essay by Mark Twain on public speaking.

The ability to learn from these sources enables you to astonish people by your culture and erudition, approach your subject from a slightly different or unexpected perspective, and educate yourself – a process which largely starts after you leave school, not before.

The second part of the recipe I propose is to communicate as much as possible. Again, since 1978 I have written four to six articles every month in a number of publications and countries, but mostly here in the UK.

The most difficult challenge - but in some ways one of the most rewarding things you can do - is to learn to speak in public. You probably know that next to poisonous snakes, this is the thing that terrifies most people more than anything else.

It certainly did me. I was too terrified to speak in front of an audience until I was 41. And when I did I had to be fortified by two large brandies and a couple of Valium. It took me a year to begin to master the art but it was one of the most valuable things I have ever learned. (When I say ‘master’ what I mean is, not to be so terrified that I actually run off the stage).

Again, if you are going to pursue this course you must give it your all. For the last 20 years I have been prepared to talk just about anywhere, to anybody, on any subject. If I didn’t know enough, I had to learn. And it was all in the hope that somebody there might be impressed enough to give me some business or some praise sooner or later, directly or indirectly.

So there you are: one man’s recipe for success. It may not all work for you but I would be amazed if some of it didn’t.

There is one other element which is almost impossible to develop and I didn't mention in the original article.

Try to avoid dealing with shits, cheats, bullies and liars. They are almost impossible to spot and there are quite a few about. One has just cost me an immensely valuable member of staff.

Put on a happy face - or lose your brownie points

Yesterday I had a bit of a nightmare journey from Newark to Heathrow.

The reason was that whoever sold me my usual cheapo flight told me I was on United when I wasn't.

When I arrived at the airport the girl at the United counter said, "No, you're on Continental" and sent me to their counter.

The reason for this, by the way, is that United and Continental are merging. But anyhow, off I scurried to the Continental counter where an unsmiling lady told me I was in the wrong place . "This is the domestic counter."

I am exceptionally good at panicking on these occasions and said, "Will I miss my flight?"

Unsmiling again, she didn't answer my question, just saying, "I can check you in here, then you must go to terminal C on the Air Train."

"Thank you," I replied. "I'm really grateful."

She simply checked me in, once again without a hint of a smile, after which I thanked her once more and scurried off.

Essentially what she did was make me feel like a piece of garbage when I could have been feeling relieved and good.

What a shame - and how stupid. I really appreciated what she did - but she treated me like shit.

I wager that all the people in the head offices of these airlines talk a ton of drivel about being customer focused. There is even a video from the CEO which talks about the merger in the usual boastful way. But I have even greater certainty that none of them try being customers.

Talk is cheap. Training is a better idea.

Airlines all use pretty much the same planes, take the same time to get from A to B, show the same films, feed you as cheaply as they can and so on -- the chief difference is in how welcome they make you feel

On Virgin and BA they smile a lot more than on any of the U.S. airlines. They also have more seats full across the Atlantic. This is not a coincidence. It is a basic business equation.

Most mergers do not create value. They must be managed with great care.

United and Continental have a very brief period in which to get things right. Their staff - who have been having a bad time for years and probably retain little if any faith in management - are saying to themselves, "What are these bozos in head office going to do to get things right?"

Well, if they can't even tell people to smile at customers when they're actually doing a really good job, what hope do they have?

Marketers are interested in marketing trends. Customers aren't

For years I have followed with mingled hilarity and irritation the way marketers, unable for the most part to think for themselves, latch on to each new trend in the hope that it will do their work for them.

For quite a few years many thought something called database marketing would do the trick. It helps, but it won't do the job on its own, largely because most have no idea how to link database with creative.

Then someone came up with CRM.

Oracle used to run ads saying "Have a CRM system in 6 weeks." People pissed away millions because computers can't think for you - and customer relationships (surprise, surprise) revolve around customers. No computer programme will compensate for the experience of talking to someone in Bangalore whose English is not the same as yours and who is working absurd hours to meet insane targets set by his rapacious bosses.

Now we have social media.

New research from World Travel Market says "Social media has only a small and waning influence over travelers’ choice of holidays."

Only one in three UK holidaymakers use sites like TripAdvisor in their research, although more than a third of those who do change their travel plans as a result.

Of the 36% who did use social media sites, two out of three used TripAdvisor, around one-third referred to Facebook and one in five looked at YouTube. Only 17% looked at Twitter.

Travel and tourism chat rooms and forums attracted 28% of the social media users, compared with blogs which accounted for 9%.

WTM concluded that holidaymakers' interest in social media is not as great as the travel and tourism industry thinks. More than 60% of 1,257 senior travel industry professionals questioned said it had influenced their business over the past year.

More than four out of 10 believe social media represents an opportunity for their businesses over the next five years.

WTM chairman Fiona Jeffery said less than a quarter of holidaymakers expect to use social media to book next year's holiday, so its small influence is waning.

All good researchers know that what people expect to do has little to do with what they actually do, so the waning bit may be wrong. But as Ms. Jeffrey says, "The travel and tourism industry plan to invest heavily in social media over the next five years believing it's one of the major opportunities for the industry. This investment could be a waste of time and money as holidaymakers do not appear to rely on social media as much as the industry believes."

The fact is, most normal people have no idea what social media are, and couldn't care less.

But I predict they are here to stay for one simple reason: more and more people have computers. And since they have them, they will use them - until they switch to elaborate phones which do the same job

"Spot ate Cameron's homework" and other useful stuff

I'm down here in Delray Beach, Florida - and don't feel envious. The weather is crap - though somewhat better than the first time I came this way.

That was quite a few years ago, and I had the terrifying experience of being bang slap in the eye of Hurricane Andrew. This time it's just grey and miserable.

I'm here to do a speech at the Early-to-Rise event about one secret of success which almost every marketer ignores - and to get an award for spending so many years in this business without going to jail.

So what is this jamboree like? Having been to God knows how many, I can tell you I am no fan of these affairs. But I am impressed.

The whole thing was kicked off yesterday with a two hour talk from Michael Masterson which was really full of commonsense, simple advice. Now I know where I'm going wrong.

At drinks last night I spent much of my time with MaryEllen Tribby, a very clever lady indeed who was CEO of Early-to-Rise until she started http://workingmomsonly.com just a few months ago.

I thought it was such a bright idea I wrote to her when she started saying so - and being efficient, she remembered me doing so.

Today she did a talk with Michael Masterson called Perception versus Reality - an excellent guide to starting a business, which started with wonderful demolition of all the get rich quick rubbish I get every day.

I made a lot of notes - but saw many people took none. Fools.

She listed five things you need to get started - and gave ten tips, which I'm listing below. They are all simple, and widely ignored

• Know something personal about someone you want to deal with
• Be sincere
• Respond to people quickly
• Be on time
• Don't use your family as an excuse if you're late (she's obviously keen on timeliness!) (Great line: "Spot ate Cameron's homework"
• Be positive
• Do your research about someone's business if you want to deal with them
• Don't gossip
• Give more than you get
• Just say no if you can't do something

I guess I get about 3 out of 10

She also talked about humble-isation. Good advice to people who start to feel arrogant because they've had a little success