Which of these out-of-touch liars and incompetents would you prefer to rip you off? Plus a Eureka moment: would this interest you?

My writing was greatly influenced by 17th and 18th century writers. I don't think English has ever been better written.

In a column I wrote for Marketing in December 1997 I quoted Dryden, "When I survey life, 'tis all a cheat; yet fooled by hope, we favour the deceit".

He was writing in the time of Charles II, when things were much worse than now unless you were running things. But Britain is still run by "them" and they still are a bunch of rogues who live in a different world.

This was hilariously illustrated in Richard Littlejohn's column the other day. If you don't like Littlejohn because you don't like the Daily Mail's politics, you are missing a very funny writer.

In this column he imagined leaders of all parties being quizzed by Jeremy Paxman. None have ever had proper jobs; they all - no matter that the party - went to the same universities, almost all took the same degrees and they are all on the fiddle. O.K., this is not Italy or Nigeria, but they are a depressing crew, liars every one. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/columnist-322/Richard-Littlejohn.html

A clever touch in the column was the sly suggestion that Paxman, like most big media figures, is pretty detached, too.

The other day his column was headed "HOW MUCH to watch Eric Pickles eat his weight in sausages?" with a picture of Porky Pickles' face. This led into: "If I was bunging the Conservatives a quarter of a million quid, I'd expect a great deal more than an intimate bowl of pasta with Sam and Dave".

That's a pretty good way of saying what we all know. These buggers are up for sale - or would be if you could trust them to keep their word.

Now we have the fiasco of the idiot minister Francis Maude who suggests it would be a good idea to have a jerry can of petrol in the garage, creating an entirely predictable panic and a not entirely unpredictable tragic accident.

Your starter for 10: guess who his daddy might have been. Well done! He was a Tory cabinet minister. Now guess who Francis worked for when he worked - if you can call it that. You got it: investment banks.

If you want to know what kind of fiddles he got up to, look him up. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Maude. Note the creepy reason why he does no voluntary work: he thinks his political contribution is enough (More than enough for him, it seems: Kindly note his ingenious housing arrangements).

Now ask yourself how good he is at any kind of work. An entire country in panic. A mother seriously injured. Yet he hasn't even been fired when he should probably be prosecuted.

Winston Churchill said democracy was the worst possible form of government except for all the others. One sometimes wonders, one really does.

*** New e-books being gestated
I don't know about you but my life is bedevilled by so much to do and so little time - plus the fact that I fear my colleagues sometimes suspect - not unreasonably - that I am a bit crazy.

Carol, who works with me, has been looking for a couple of very long memos I knew I had tucked away somewhere, as I want to turn them into e-books.

One is How to be a creative director.

The other is How to do a winning presentation.

The creative director one has yet to be found, but Carol found the presentation one on Friday.

If any of you find either subject interesting, let me know. I think I am quite qualified.

I'm not sure "gestated" is the right word. Resuscitated?

*** For those of you who were interested, I shall be running seminars at the end of May in Bristol again.

One on Integrated Marketing, and one on Copy, as these were what got most votes when I asked a while ago.

As usual I shall send out a torrent of short videos to give you an idea of the content of each in advance.

The unsung marketing genius: another breed of Madman

Would you like to know how one man managed to make marketing money work about ten times harder than it should?

Well, there is a new book out called "Changing the world is the only fit work for a grown man," by Steve Harrison.

I have been kicking myself that I didn't know more about this man - and so should you if you don't read this book.

I cannot recall anything as well researched or written about any subject or person in the advertising business. Not a duff sentence. And what pictures! Even his old 1960s offices look damnably cool today.

But the reason I should have known about the man is that he was doing stuff 50 years ago - perfectly - which foreshadows so much of what people are doing today - imperfectly in most cases.

But doing so with the most extraordinary wit, panache, commitment - and above all results.

I knew of him and some of his advertising. But I didn't realise what a trailblazer he was. What a fool! I could have learned so much.

His name was Howard Luck Gossage. They called him The Socrates of San Francisco: they don't go for understatement on the West Coast.

But he really was something else.

He was integrating marketing in the most imaginative ways possible. He was using what I can only call social media. He harnessed PR to the most amazing effect. He was even using advertising in a way that we now think of as "interactive".

He turned down the Volkswagen account that did so much to make Doyle Dane Bernbach famous.

His dedication to doing the best or nothing was downright alarming.

To one of his clients, winemaker Paul Masson, he said "I don't like your advertising." Masson said, "But you're doing it."

"That's why I want to resign the account." And he did.

He was decades ahead of his time.

And he was bigger than advertising. His circle included writers like Tom Wolfe and John Steinbeck (who he had working for Rover Cars). He championed Marshall McLuhan, famous for the remark, "the media is the message". His ads helped save The Grand Canyon.

Hot creative agencies today - like Goodby, Silverstein and Crispin, Porter + Bogusky - got their inspiration from his thinking. I wish I had studied him more, and now I have.

Whatever ability I have in this business I have gained through study. This is a book to study. And clearly Steve, who built and sold a highly successful agency, studied Gossage and applied his principles in a lot of his own work to remarkable effect.

David Ogilvy once told me that the secret of success in this business was charm. Gossage had it by the oodle.

To be honest, not everyone will appreciate just how good this man was. But then a lot of people think McDonalds is good food.

You can see some of his ads here: http://www.lacreativeclub.com/gossage.html.

But get the book. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Changing-World-Only-Work-Grown/dp/0957151500.

Do it now, the minute you finish reading this.

Never too late for me. And never too soon for you.

And please don't wonder for a minute: I am not an affiliate.

What makes it all worthwhile? The people. People like Matt Kahn

Twenty odd years ago an American writer came to me looking for a job.

He was called Matt Kahn.

He showed me his work, and I thought he was pretty good. One piece impressed me so much that I use it as an example of good copy to this day.

He had the look of a boozer, though. (Having been brought up in a pub, I tend to spot these things.)

I asked him about it. Can't recall the exact words, but he denied it. So I hired him. He was indeed a pretty good writer - and just as keen on the drink as I thought.

But then again, I have been known to raise the odd glass myself.

Matt died far too young - in his late forties, I think - but not forgotten.

My friend Steve Harrison wrote to me today about him.

"When I visited Derek Robson in San Fran (Derek's someone else who worked with us) the person we reminisced about most was Matt Kahn. I told him my favourite story.

Matt left us to work as Creative Director at some place like Brann.

He was there about 12 months when the MD came to him and said, "Sorry Matt but the numbers aren't looking good. We need to make up 40 grand or so, which means you need to let two or three junior to middle people go. Can you give me their names before the end of the week?"

Matt pondered this one long and hard. But didn't venture his list of names. At 5.30 the MD stopped by the bar where Matt was finishing off the session he'd probably started at around 1.00pm.

"So, Matt, have you got those names for me?" says the MD.

"Oooh man, I dunno, Is this reeaaally necessary" ventures Matt pulling that tight-eyed grimace of his.

"'Fraid so" says the head suit.

"How much was it again?"

"Forty grand, Matt. Minimum"

"Ok, says Matt, I've got it. I've got your 45 thousand"

"Great" says the MD. "Give them to me first thing Monday, will you?"

"No need. You can have 'em now. They're 'Matt' and 'Kahn'."

"I don't care what you say as long as you spell my name right" - The glories of marketing dyslexia, and what I think about social media

I've never mentioned this, but the radiant Chloe who keeps me in line suffers from slight dyslexia.

Happily this doesn't stop her doing a great job and bossing me around with great enthusiasm, undiminished by my brainless incompetence.

So I was glad today to see that I'm not the only fool on the block.

About three weeks ago I went to do a video interview with E-marketing News. I haven't seen it all yet, but they've just put up something I said about social media among other things.

The name of the guilty party is Peter Middleton, and what's amazing is that this is the second time he has interviewed me.

The whole experience must have been too much for him - so he renamed me Drayton Byrd.

He said the interview as a whole was very good and he's probably corrected the mistake by now, but you can see the clip about 6 mins 10 secs into this: http://emarketingnews.tv/?Ref=email&dm_i=87U,R12G,19IRF3,26LAP,1

By the way, do you think I could charge higher fees if my name was Byrd?

Big surprise at the Caples Awards

They gave me a Lifetime Achievement Award.

Very kind of them as I once wrote they were the silliest award of all.

That's because they don't take results into account - the thing John Caples was obsessed with all his life.

My partner Marta had a conversation with a man who did a very good charity campaign. "How much money did it raise?"

"Oh, we weren't interested in raising money," he replied.

Ah!

Anyhow, here's a little self-indulgence: a picture of my elder son and my youngest daughter with me.

Next week, some comments from David Ogilvy.