D’oh! idea of the week

“The others to some meaning make pretence;
But Shadwell never deviates
into sense” - Dryden

This week, crouching heading and shoulders below all other contenders … epic in its stupidity, witless irrelevance and incomprehensibility … a textbook example of corporate idiocy and waste… you just have to hand it to the e.on TV spots.

It is no easy trick to run something nobody understands, from a company they have never heard of and care less about asking them to do nothing, praising something both ugly and widely disliked by those affected by it.

What am I wittering on about? What is e.on? Why is this commercial so transcendentally bad? If you haven’t seen it go to http://www.eon-uk.com/media/286.aspx

Here we have creative masturbation harnessed at vast expense to such effect that even people who know nothing of this country find it irritating. I know that because even an Italian nanny of my acquaintance, with no interest in marketing at all finds it infuriating and pointless.

I’m not totally thick, but after five viewings I had no idea who was advertising, or why, or what they want me to do. I only know people affected by them hate those giant, ugly propellers so much that people in Wales are protesting.

Here is what they say on the site that shows the commercial:

“Powergen is part of E.ON UK, which is part of E.ON - the world’s largest private sector energy services company.
Worldwide, E.ON has around 45 million customers and currently employs around 70,000 people. Powergen has been part of E.ON since 2002.”

This is what is known as a “who gives a s**t except you” statement. These people in their fancy offices know so little about real business that they’re unaware of the three questions every customer always has: Who are you? What’s in it for me? What do you want me to do?

Of course, you’ve got it, haven’t you? This is our old friend re-branding at work. You know, the idea that almost ruined the Royal Mail when they changed their name to Consignia and completely ruined Abbey when they just changed their look.

At least Powergen had some vague meaning.

By the way, the Italian Nanny, whenever she brings something back from Marks & Spencer repeats their line: “It’s not just salmon; it’s M&S salmon.”