Something buckshee after the usual touches of the ludicrous – including Beauty and the Beasts

I had a couple of good laughs the other day – one about a love triangle, the other about a predictable display of political hypocrisy from the younger Milipede.

The first was a story about the wife of an MP who stole his mistress’s kitten, which has not been seen since.

Life is so often unfair don’t you think? A malicious soul might think the main female human characters, both carrying a fair amount of surplus avoirdupois could apply with every hope of success to play the Ugly Sisters and the MP looks well, weird. The kitten, on the other hand, is (or was) rather beautiful. In fact she was called Beauty, poor thing.

Young Ed was, I see, ladling out the schmaltz at his party conference – which if they keep him on may be a pre-emptive wake - about his dear old mum and dad, and calling for a less predatory society.

Perhaps he could set an example by donating the extra dosh he and his brother managed to finagle by avoiding tax when they inherited their dear old mum and dad’s house.

I apologise if all that sounded a bit waspish, but I had a bit of a thick head when I drafted it, kindly donated by a client who bought the extra, fatal pint when I wasn’t looking.

He also told me I wasn’t promoting my EADIM event with enough zeal, which reminded me that I haven’t said much about it at all here, and even worse, haven’t even mentioned something some people may really appreciate.

It is called buckshee advice. If you don’t know what buckshee means, watch this.

If you’ve got any question about your business that is driving you crazy, this is a chance to get some well-informed answers.

The question is, what is my buckshee ­advice worth?

One answer is that I normally charge £1,000 an hour for one to one advice.

But the truth is, only you can give the right answer. And to arrive at it you have to ask yourself the right question.

That question is this: how much would it be worth to you to solve that problem that’s driving you crazy?

· You could be wondering why your website doesn’t make you any money.

· You could be wondering why nobody replies to your emails

· You could be wondering that SEO you coughed up so much money for has made little or no difference

· You could be wondering why your direct mail flops.

· You could be doing well, but wonder how you could do better (the best people always do)

· You could even wonder whether you’re in the right business

Over the years my partners and I have helped just about every kind of business you can think of, and maybe some you couldn’t.

In the audience on that day will be a man who has built the second largest business of its kind in one of the largest countries in Europe – in a viciously competitive market.

He says he owes it all to an old video of me making a speech at Brighton University about how to market properly.

Maybe I can help you too.

So think how much the right advice could be worth to you – then come and get it “buckshee”.

I would be amazed if it’s not worth more than the cost of your attendance at EADIM.

Just to remind you what buckshee is all about, here’s that video again.

And if you just want to come for that day, well we can cut a deal for you if you hurry (seats are limited as The Cavendish is a boutique hotel).

Alternatively, you can always carry on as usual and hope the current economic nightmare doesn’t wipe you out.

If you’d like to attend, just email Chloe@Draytonbird.com one word: Buckshee.

P.S. And if you don't know what schmaltz is, it is yiddish slang for phoney sentiment.