Could I interest you in Mr. Jenkins' cock?

Did that get your attention?

I spent far too many years trying to interest people in mine, and it cost me millions, so I can't really recommend this particular approach.

However, I do suggest you go and have a look at some highly droll extracts from a little work that features a rich variety of rustic oddities, including Mr. Jenkins' pride and joy, at http://www.growyourowncows.com.

Grow your own cows? Yes; that's what it's called - and I think anyone who thinks up a title like that deserves worldwide encouragement. See what you think and let the author know.

Right now she - the author - works for Transport for London which used to be called London Transport.

This is a change in name which, in its own tiny way, shows what's wrong with the world today. How do the addition of the word "for" and the transposing of "London" and "Transport" benefit anyone except the prat - probably a branding consultant - who thought it up?

Oh, and by the way, the author is not a relative, nor am I on her payroll: I just think her stuff is very funny.