Would you want to make friends with a bloody wardrobe?

I got a message two days ago saying "Smart Storage Widnes added you as a friend on Facebook..."

This typifies the kind of drivel the social sites have given rise to. What kind of lunatic thinks I want to be friends with a chest of drawers or a packing case, or whatever the hell smart storage is?

When we become friends, what do I say? "Hi, Smart"? "Wassup, Storage, baby"? Then I introduce you to girls with sad faces at parties. "Hey, darling, you look desperate. Fancy getting it on with a wardrobe?"

"From Widnes? What d'you take me for? A dining table?"

"No? Ah well. Young people today have no imagination."

If you want to flog your fucking boxes, go somewhere else. The same applies to your mad friend's disinfectant, by the way.

Madness.