Chloe's secret skills - plus what recessions do to newspapers ...

We may be no bloody good at our chosen trade but now we have a cunning plan.

Two days ago the radiant Chloe who now suffers the awful pangs of PA-dom here came in with a box full of cakes like this.

I tried to get her to pose in three of them but she refused.

Moving swiftly on from that rare lapse, they taste as good as they look, and she really made them herself. I particularly recommend the chocolate ones.

We'd have a lot less trouble and a lot more waistline if we went into the cupcake business, so screw the marketing.

I don't know how The Times can have less trouble and more business, but I suspect they're going about it in the wrong way. They have now given up something insane they were doing, and found something that I fear is worse.

What they were doing was paying people to stand outside tube stations and try to sell copies of The Times and the Sun when less than 20 yards away everyone could get free newspapers. A pretty fine way of pissing away money I would say, but they persevered for many months.

Now they have gone one better. They're offering a £6 House of Fraser voucher to everyone who spends £1 buying The Times. To get someone keen enough to commit themselves to a paper takes quite a few issues. I wager that no-one has done any tests to find out just how many issues that is.

During the last great recession - The Slump - the newspapers went mad offering incentives. They were offering whole Encyclopedia sets to new readers. I believe one national paper almost went broke, before they all realised it was madness and agreed to stop.

I also believe this sort of thing does a paper like The Times no good. There is ample evidence to show that too much promotion kills brands. And their idea of trying to get people to pay for their on-line version will end in tears. They have as much chance as King Canute did.