God bless Lucy Kellaway - and another helpful idea for you

If there were no other reason for the existence of newspapers, Lucy Kellaway of the Financial Times would do.

She comments on Corpora-drone better than I ever could.

The other day she quoted three corkers. The first was Microsoft on their new browser which “delivers a richer, faster, and more business-ready Web experience. Architected to run HTML 5, the beta enables developers to utilise standardised mark-up language across multiple browsers”.

She then quoted Bob Jeffrey, the head of JWT: “Global consumers are rapidly re-evaluating and readjusting their value paradigms and purchasing decisions. Our job is to keep our ear to the ground with these consumers, providing relevant real-time insight to our clients that inspires cutting-edge, cost-efficient solutions.”

That is linguistic anaesthesia. How in hell did a man who can't write English get to run one of the world's biggest ad agencies? Just imagine sitting in a meeting with him.

But her most glorious example was an ad from “one of the largest and most trusted banking and financial services organisations in the world”, that wants a “customer journey re-engineering manager”.

I cannot improve on her demolition of that, which follows.

"This title contains three layers of obfuscation: the ludicrous yet ubiquitous idea that a banking customer is on a journey; the idea that this journey needs re-engineering; the notion that this needs managing. There is only one conclusion to be drawn: surplus profits generate bonuses and bullshit in equal measure.

The only customers who are really on a journey are those of the transport sector."

What a wonderful woman - and I almost feel like apologising for my contribution, but here's a helpful idea for you that saved one man from going broke.