I almost applied for this job

Creative Writer Required (London)

I am looking for a creative writer to fill out job applications and send my CV on for PAID positions.

You will be: smart, have a knowledge of the current employment market and have contacts within the print magazine industry. I'm looking for something that involves either: listening to music, playing computer games, watching TV/movies/sport/porn or eating cakes/pies/fast food

You will be expected to: send out CVs on a quarter hourly basis, attend interviews across Greater London and kindly tell sales recruiters to get fucked.

This is an unpaid role and you will be expected to pay for transport to interviews, waste valuable time filling in job applications and written tasks for positions that won't contact you with their decision. You can also undertake several months of internships at places that have absolutely no intention of hiring you or retaining knowledge of your (i.e. my, you are doing it on my behalf) existence after the internship has finished.

Location: London

Compensation: Upon successful discovery of a job for me, I might buy you a pint and get you your own internship (i.e. one that's not on my behalf) at my place of employment.

Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.Please, no phone calls about this job!Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Funny thing is, about six weeks ago I needed two young people to come and work for me for around the square root of fuck-all.

Rather than pay grasping recruiters - mostly as much use and as greedy as estate agents, but deal in warm bodies - I mentioned it here.

I had the two within a week and I'm thrilled to bits with both of them.