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Saturday, 31 December 2011

What's in store in 2012? Odd language leads to pretty useless advice - and my touchingly generous offer expires today

One of the most profitable lines ever written was to sell the Kiplinger Letter. It ran for a good twenty years and read "Will there be more BOOM and more INFLATION ahead?" 

It worked because we all want to know what's going to happen; but I can save you a little trouble. There is no boom coming your way but a whole lot of inflation, because that's what happens when you print money, whatever fancy name you call it.

This is prompted by something I saw in an e-mag called "London Loves Business" which read: Market niches set to explode in 2012, according to the UK's most successful entrepreneurs.

Strange phraseology: niches do not explode, but I wanted to know what various experts thought. The answer is that most of what followed was a series of self-interested plugs by sundry individuals who think their business is going to do just great.

Stelios Hajimathingy thinks his easy businesses will go just great, except he didn't mention easyJet because he's having a row with them. A couple of guys in the dating business think people are going to want to leap into bed with each other more. 

And would you believe a property man thinks you could do well in prime property? A man who's been trying to make hydrogen batteries reckons he's finally cracked it. There were a couple of investment schemes I would be very careful about. And (surprise, surprise) mobile ads are doing well and will do better.

The whole piece was a big con. Most of the people were not London's most successful entrepreneurs. And other than Will King, the King of Shaves man and a guy who runs virtual gyms, all the advice was just flat-out self-promotion. 

I like the idea of virtual gyms. I could stop all my push-ups and crunches and just imagine I'm exercising. Actually, that's not unlike what most people end up doing after they join a gym: they go two or three times then quit. 

Don't laugh, though: research I read somewhere says that just imagining you're exercising actually works.

Changing the subject a little, do you ever find yourself astounded at the way you know you should do things - but you don't? I do, often.

That's why I spent much of yesterday making audio recordings. I have known for years that people like to listen to stuff in the car or while doing other things like the cleaning (which I do, believe it or not). But I have always put stuff out in video or written form. Stupid.

Anyhow three hours of wit and wisdom is now in the can ready for January. If you're one of those who has joined EADIM you'll start getting them. If you're not (I may have mentioned this before) well, the £600 saving deal ends when the year ends. Just a few hours from now.

After that, the New Year - no boom, but plenty of busts - is coming your way. In the deathless words of Bette Davis, "Fasten your seatbelts. We're in for a bumpy ride." .

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