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Sunday, 8 February 2009

Clarkson reveals why we're in the shit

If you were to ask people who they admire more in this country, Jeremy Clarkson or Gordon Brown, it would be no contest.

His show Top Gear showing him and his crew doing lunatic things with fast vehicles is enjoyed all over the world. His column has an uncanny knack of saying what everyone thinks but few say as pungently.

So when Jeremy the other day described Gordon as a one-eyed Scottish idiot the reaction from most normal people was "I never knew he had only one eye".

It explains everything, really. The missing eye is the one he's been keeping on the economy for the last twelve years.

Mr. Clarkson handsomely apologised for drawing attention to what is true - that Gordon is a Scot, and what is true and unfortunate - that he is one-eyed, but not what is also true but infinitely more unfortunate for all of us - that he is an idiot.

He is not a nice idiot either. Maybe he should have a little black moustache painted under his nose and join the BNP. The other day he started bellowing about British jobs for British workers - echoes of Adolf.

His phrasing was revealing.

"It is time to train British workers for the British jobs that will be available over the coming few years and to make sure that people who are inactive and unemployed are able to get the new jobs on offer in our country."

This raises one or two questions from anyone without brain damage.

For instance, "What do you mean 'it is time'? Did you just get off the boat, Gordon? Was some other government ensuring we had enough trained people until now? In fact have not you and the Bliar not pissed away more money - by far - on useless training schemes that any government in history?"

And, "Was some other idiot responsible for a lunatic tax system that makes lower-paid people better off not working than working? Or was it your identical twin Wee Wullie Haggis?"

Or, "How come educational standards have so deteriorated that British workers are just not qualified to take many of the jobs available? Does it have anything to do with the succession of grinning muppets some other administration chose to manage these things?"

And maybe, "Is it some other other set of weak-kneed patsies that defers to European diktats that mean you can't discriminate against workers from elsewhere in Europe? Or is it the government you have been helping to run?"

Or possibly, "By the way, are you saying you favour discrimination? And if you do think it's a bad idea that all these foreign chaps come over here, did some other set of buffoons let them in?"

What is Brown's policy? Manifest incompetence praying that xenophobia will disguise its consequences.

How is Cameron responding? Hoping his bullshit will trump Brown's.


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