Blah, blah, blinding glimpses of the obvious, phoney drivel that defeats its purpose, a laugh from Al … and illiteracy (and crooks) run riot

Yesterday I sent out an email suggesting among other things that in the U.K, people always find reasons NOT to do things.

This reminds me that years ago maybe I should have emigrated to the U.S., Canada or Australia where they tend to give things a try more easily. I didn't because I wanted to stay near my kids.

Anyhow, Al told me a great definition of the British attitude: "the acceleration of a lawnmower with the brakes of a Rolls Royce".

What, though, can you gauge about people's attitude from the copy they write? Assuming it is written by people and not corpses.

Here's a classic for you:

Vivacity was founded to construct solutions for brands that delivered against the consumer demand for authenticity, and to provide platforms that could bridge the disaggregation in media consumption through sponsorship, partnership and by delivering brand messages into environments where consumers are passionately engaged, whether sport, fashion, film, food or music.

How far up your own arse do you have to climb to write that?

How about this?

As you're aware, communication is the lifeblood of any business.  The ability to speak with your customers, your prospects and - more importantly - to ensure they can always reach you is of paramount importance.

Well, fancy that!

Here's another:

As you are no doubt aware telecoms is a minefield and that standards of service and advice in London are often really poor. And, with new and unique tools out there, we believe that businesses like Drayton Bird Associates could be missing out.

Along with our key partners, we have compiled a must-have guide to the blah, blah blah.

And these people want me to read a whole guide written like that?

Even good intentions can be thwarted by lack of thought. I used an online legal service yesterday. Very good too. They charged me £33 for what my lawyer charged £180 for - and it took 5 minutes not half a day's travel to get it.

Then they ruined it by sending me an email: I really enjoyed working with you. Now every Expert who works with you in the future will know what a wonderful customer you are.

Hey, get real, Autoresponder. I sent you a question. You replied. Total time, 8 minutes. This is not a love affair we're having.

Then come the scum...

Evening, so I was bored at work again browsing on CNN's city career testimonials on last thursday and then read for hours about a brand new internet based opportunity that lets welfare recipients bring home up to $2700/week+ of course they didnt trust it for a while but for some reason we just had to see it with my own eyes & im so happy I did since I made $100.98 my very second day actually trying. It is completely easy I've already gotten paid straight into my bank account! it is the most amazing thing thats hapened to me in my life.

Illiteracy rules, right?

There really are a lot of rogues on the internet. Yesterday two people were kind enough to tell me that my stuff is being knocked off. From where? China, apparently. When we asked Mediafire who make this possible to stop it they made it hard. Asked for everything except the last time I sneezed.

P.S. How does the Word grammar check manage to get almost everything so utterly wrong? I write: Assuming it is written by people and not corpses. They suggest: People and not corpses write assuming it.

Woo-hoo!