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Wednesday, 7 October 2009

How they sell Pizza in Lima, Peru ... and your joke for today

I bet you thought I was going to drive you crazy every day with loads of dull stuff to flog you Eadim, right?

Wrong. You misjudge me: only every other day. And don't worry - there's a joke at the end.

Tuesday was quite different to laugh-a-minute Monday – lots of rather deep stuff about databases ... especially from one of my partners, Professor Dirk Van Den Poel of Gent University, one of the highest rated data analysts the world. Important if you want to make money and you had to concentrate.

Then came a bit more comic relief from Bird and a wonderful talk by Andrew Boddington who used to work with me on Mercedes and a few other things - and who makes highly technical things seem so simple.

Then we had (Oh, God) even more Bird, after which things improved.

Martin Chilcott made CRM seem simple, showed lots of ludicrous charts from firms who rip dumb marketers off with CRM "solutions" - and told stories about his experiences around the world as a marketing director for firms like Amex, M & G, Thomas Cook and so on. He had us all in hysterics about the bollocks marketers talk about having relationships with customers. "Customers don't
want a relationship with you" - Sir Terry Leahy of Tesco.

And he talked about his experience as a spattered-with-spit bouncer for Madness, a part-time DJ ...and all the things that make him a real person and about ten times better than all those corporate drones who lord it over marketing departments for a year or so before they get found out and fired.

Then came Steve Harrison, widely regarded as the best direct marketing creative in the world today, certainly the most awarded and a damn sight better speaker than me AAAARGH. So, no surprise, he had everyone in stitches as he showed some extraordinary work - including how they sold Pizza Delivery in Lima, where people are afraid to open their doors to strangers.

He's speaking in Las Vegas in a bit; a change from Jermyn Street -- I believe every single member of the audience bought his book on
How to do better creative work. In fact Romania's rather gorgeous Diana Stoiescu who was at last year's EADIM came in specially to have her copy signed.

If you're beginning to think this little shindig is quite good fun, utterly different to the usually snore-a-minute marketing gabfests - and maybe even quite good - you're right. But you probably don't give a shit, do you? So ...

Here's your joke for today.

I urgently needed a few days off work, but, I knew the Boss would not let me take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'

She said, 'I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.'

Boom, boom.

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