The Slithey Toad's inspired new pre-election strategy at work
Gordon Brown called Alastair Darling into his office one day and said, 'Alastair, I have the answer to Cameron. We're going to win back Middle England'.
'Brilliant, PM! What's the plan?' said Darling.
'Well' said Brown 'we'll get ourselves two of those long Barbour coats, some proper wellies, a stick and a flat cap - and a dog, unless we can get Harriet Harman to come. Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a nice old country pub, in Much Something or other and show we really enjoy the countryside.
'Right PM' said Darling. So a few days later, all kitted out and with the requisite hound - a Labrador - at heel, they set off. Eventually they arrive in a quiet little village and find a lovely country pub and go in and up to the bar.
'Good evening Landlord, two pints of your best ale, from the wood please' said Brown.
'Good evening, Prime Minister' said the landlord, 'two pints of best it is, coming up'
Brown & Darling stood leaning on the bar contemplating new taxes, nodding now and again to those who came in for a drink, whilst the dog lay quietly at their feet.
Suddenly the door from the adjacent bar opened and in came a grizzled old shepherd, complete with crook. He walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail with his crook, looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked back to the other bar.
A few moments later, in came a wizened farmer who followed the same procedure, to the bewilderment of Brown and Darling. People of all ages and gender followed suit over the next hour. Eventually, unable to stand it any longer, Darling called the landlord over. 'Tell me' said Darling, 'Why did all those people come in and look under the dog's tail like that? Is it an old country custom?
'Good Lord no,' said the landlord. 'Someone told them there was a Labrador in this bar with two arseholes.'
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